First of all, how the hell is Mom going to live without me? Jeebus Fucking Christmas.
Mom: I need you to help me with my homework.
Mom: First I need a nap.
Mom: Also, call ADT - the motion sensor in the kitchen isn't working.
Me: STOP TALKING TO ME WHEN I'M ON THE PHONE WITH ADT.
ADT: Uh, sensor's fine. But the alarm system isn't connected to the
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